Thursday, August 11, 2011

Thoughts that keep me up at night

-Say you meet a serial killer, but he refuses to eat your Cap'n Crunch. Awkward...

- What do you do if you meet a mouse, but he wants a cookie, but he's a diabetic?

- How do you feel about a meeting a dolphin that is low on endorphins so it kills itself?

- Say you meet a bear who can't go up stairs because them Chinese fellers cut off his legs?

- What if you meet a well-endowed pianoist? (Think about it)

- What if my box of Fruity Pebbles came out of the closet?

- Does the flesh eating virus eat the penis too?

- What if you're white but you can't use your wit?

- What if Finland was underwater? Then it would just be Fin.

- What if we lost NewFoundLand?

- Can Kennedy do the Can-Can???

- What if I caught a butterfly and ate it with my toast? I still have a fly in my toast.

- It'd be funny if they combined The Oregon Trail and the Trail of Tears into a game. Then white people would feel guilty every time someone got dysentery.

- I imagined that if Americans say "FOR NARNIA!", then there are Narnians yelling "FOR 'MURICUH!".

- A lifeguard should be called a pool guard. If he was a lifeguard, he would follow me around.

- Do tires ever get tired of tiresome tire jokes? Or do the tire jokes fall flat?

- Toronto backwards is Otnorot. Canada backwards is Adanac. America backwards is Canada.

- Walmart needs to sell marts from now on.

- A cat's cartharsis is meowing really loudly.

- If Ed can edit, can I Colsonit?

- In Harry Potter, I never expected their spells, "EXPECTO POTRONUM". So I renamed it, "SURPRISE-O POTRONUM".

- A t-shirt is named that because it looks like a T. I think that is bs. It looks like a shirt, not a letter.

- If the cat has my tongue, what does the dog have? Whatever it is, I hope I don't have to use it until the next time I see him.

- If a computer comprimises it's morals, it's complicated.

- Who is Lando? And why can't people make up their minds about him. I only say Orlando if I'm giving options. If I'm saying mentioning a list of places, I say Andlando.

- If I were Latino and looking at a map of Canada, I think the map was asking me a question when I read "Qu├ębec".

- If I am being mindblown, there should be a fan. It'd be much more efficient.

- Can chocolate to be on time?

- It'd be cool if "Chance" was Jackie Chan's middle name. Jackie Chance Chan. Call him Jackie Chan-Chan. Or Chan-Chan. Or Chan for short.

- Lip sounds like ship and you're in trouble if both are busted.

- If you don't do anything splendid, then it is splenuncomplete.

- I want to invent a robot(Bot) and name him Tom. We would be friends and have sleep overs. We would sleep on my bunk bed. Guess which bunk Bot Tom will be sleeping?

- I never tell people I'm getting dressed, dresses are for girls.