Saturday, June 5, 2010

The Legend of The Phallic Snow Sculpture

"Buddy-Buddy" Pose


Behold it's Glory


"American Gothic" Style



It was a blustery day in the 100 Acre Woods......errrr.....wrong story. Hold on.....'Twas a snowy day in the South. In Georgia is where our story takes place. Rarely will it snow. The South has notorious for it's heat. So when you get snow, you better be mighty thankful. If you're lucky, it may snow for a day once or twice a year. Many kids have never seen a snowflake up close in there lives. Something was happening this winter cause Georgia experienced many "snow storms". Maybe God was on our side this time and answered a wish or something.

Our story's hero is from the North; Bellingham, Washington to be exact. Fun fact about Bellingham, Death Cab For Cutie is from Bellingham. Our hero, Colson, is a pretty big fan of the band and looks up to Ben Gibbard, lead singer of Death Cab for Cutie. Since Colson is a child of the Great North, he grew up with snow. He missed snow very much in the dry, barren, temperate South. When he wakes up to snow outside, the angels cry out and rejoice in a chorus of Hallelujahs.

UNFORTUNATELY! The county in which he resided in saw the snow BUT chose to have school on that day. THE FOOLS! When there is ever snow, schools must close down for the sake of their students. Everyone needs a day off. Kids can be kids and play. Adults get to do whatever adults do, but away from school. Even though the jerks behind the desks in the school's administration didn't call of school due to snow, they couldn't crush the spirit of The Student Body. Throughout every lunch period and between classes, there were massive snow ball fights. Also some students carried snowballs into classrooms to throw at their friends and run away. Colson was one of the people. He also witness a group of Sophomore boys bring a snowman into a classroom to surprise their teacher. Needless to say, she was surprised.

School was nearing to a close, but no one could get enough of the snow. Colson waited by his bus to throw snowballs at everyone getting on his bus. Oh did this boy love his shenanigans or what. When he gets home with his little brother, his litle brother has an idea. His foolish brother had the idea to build a snowman. Colson, being an innovative genius has a different idea. How do you one up a snowman? MAKE A GIANT SNOW PENIS! And that's exactly what they did.

They first started off with creating the large snow testicles then the shaft. The whole process of creating this lovely piece of art took around 2 1/2 to 3 hours to create. The creation belonged to Colson. It was his brainchild. He labored heavily on this masterpiece. Things like this don't just come along every day. IT WAS ART! The sculpture stood at a whopping 5 foot 7 inches. Colson used his little brother for measurements. As soon as the masterpiece was bigger than Caleb, it would be complete. When he completed it, he was proud. He accomplished a great thing.

Colson spent the hours in the rest of the day watching the Snow Penis, admiring his work but also guarding it. He feared the neighbors might not understand the incredibility of this piece of art and take matters into their own hands. He grew anxious that it would get destroyed by a pious neighbor. The neighbors all have small children in preschool or elementary school. It's doubtful that they knew what the sculpture was. One by one, members of Colson's family came home. His older brother Zach congratulated him, his best friend AJ wished he was there to help with the construction of the sculpture, his mom thought it was was shocking, and his sister was a very large female dog about it and wanted to destroy with her own hands. Now Colson had to protect it against his evil conniving sister. She was freaking out about it, oh how conservative she is! She felt it was embarrassing. She worried what the neighbors would think. Oh woe is me, She does not understand true art!!!

So Colson's father comes home. It has become dark now. The night has cloaked the great Phallic Sculpture so the untrained eye could not identify it as a Snow Penis. The father walked inside, said, "Oh, you guys made a snowman. Cool.", and thought nothing more of it....UNTIL! Colson's sister had to make a scene about the masterpiece. She told the father to look at it a little closer. "IT'S A PENIS!", she screamed. Colson's father thought it was funny but as a father, he has to say it's wrong. He has to pretend he doesn't like it even though he sees the hilarity of sculpture. Colson's father ordered the little brother to destroy the sculpture. The little brother lept to opportunity and grabbed a baseball bat.

HE beat Colson's Penis down with a baseball bat. His great art accomplishment. Colson's dream was shattered. Colson wanted Snow Penis to last all night. He wanted it freeze overnight and so the Snow Penis would be around for a very long time. Colson felt very attached to his work. He will never forget the time he spent with his Phallic sculpture. They will always have those few hours spent together.

Snow Penis was Colson's Statue of David. It was a penis. Nothing homosexual about it. Every single human being on this Earth will see a naked penis at least one in their life. What is so wrong about it? God created it in his image. The human body is a beautiful thing, not something to be ashamed of. The large 5' 7'' tall Penis was a tribute to the beauty of God's creations.

People don't understand art.......that and why having a very large life-like Snow Penis in your front yard is HILARIOUS!

26 comments:

佳慧 said...

快下班囉~來幫你加油~~........................................

逸凡 said...

來問個安,誰不支持這個部落格,我咬他........................................

佩璇 said...

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tyroneb said...

找一個懂妳的人也期許自己做一個人懂別人的人..................................................

聖妃 said...

向著星球長驅直進的人,反比踟躕在峽路上的人,更容易達到目的。..................................................................

峻龍 said...

任何你憂慮的事,你都應該去採取一點行動,不要只是在那邊想......................................................................

江婷 said...

一棵樹除非在春天開了花,否則難望在秋天結果。.................................................................

AlphonseH_Va哲維 said...

一個人的價值,應該看他貢獻了什麼,而不是他取得了什麼............................................................

賢林賢林 said...

認清問題就等於已經解決了一半的問題。.................................................................

玉苓玉苓 said...

睇完之後覺得有d頓悟..感謝分享...................................................................

竹青 said...

Quietude is the crown of life.............................................................

蘇育維蘇育維 said...

我又來看你囉~加油^^ 祝你天天順利開心..................................................................

天花天花 said...

Judge not a book by its cover.............................................................

溫緯李娟王季 said...

這麼用心的經營你的文章, 當然值得我們留連拜訪的!...............................................................

承蘋承蘋 said...

獨居時,要反省自己的過錯;在社會大眾之間,則要忘卻別人的過失。..................................................

余憲希余憲希 said...

It is easier to get than to keep it.......................................................................

徐禎緯 said...

鞋匠能作好鞋子,因為他只做鞋,不做別的。..................................................

郭俊緯郭俊緯 said...

第一忠誠,第二勤奮,第三專心工作。..................................................

吳林怡廷佳宇 said...

愛看您的新文章!加油!..................................................................

宗王王王王王穎 said...

我們能互相給予的最佳禮物是「真心的關懷」。.................................................

48684 said...

成熟,就是有能力適應生活中的模糊。............................................................

璇陳陳陳竹 said...

我在戀愛著?--------是的,因為我在等待著.....................................................................

佳張張張張燕張張張張張 said...

愛情是盲目的,但婚姻恢復了它的視力。......................................................................

黃英吳思潔吳思潔邦 said...

希望能常常看到你的更新..................................................

8468 said...

愛看您的新文章!加油!.................................................................

Peacock said...

These will always be the pinnacle of artistic triumph.