Saturday, December 20, 2008

Strange Racist Dream

Last night I had a dream that when I was walking into someone's house to go up their stares to the second floor which doubled as a carnival ride similar to the Zipper. I start walking across the living room and out of nowhere comes Tracy Morgan and he was a cop in this dream and he ran up to me, then reach inside my pockets(very rudely without warning I might add)to search me for stuff. He pulled out a lighter and other knick knacks. He finds nothing to get me on and dissapears and I knew he only searched me because I was white.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Our Downfall

Our Downfall to western civilization starts in Hollywood. The epitome of Hollywood is MTV. I'm trying not to watch that much television any more because a lot of crap I see on tv isn't worth my time. I only need to watch: The Soup, Best Week Ever, Stand up comedy on Comedy Central, Spongebob Squarepants, Fairly Oddparents, The Office, and Heroes. That is basically it. The rest is what TV networks are doing the same thing over and over again telling us viewers what is good.

My beef with TV though is aimed towards MTV. Like my friend Daniel(alwaystextback) said in his Swingers series, " If MTV doesn't play music anymore, then its just TV. " Why call yourself Music Television if you don't even play any music?! And when they do play music, which is usually on TRL, its not even real music. It's just crappy soulless pop music that again, big corporal record company idiots are telling us what we should like. Will we really listen to Katy Pery in 10 years? I think not. I can tell they took alot of work pollishing her album because when she sings live, she sucks monkey balls. Thats when you tell someone sucks, they use a pitch machine to correct the pitch of the voice and you got producers doing crazy s***t to the music.

Also, MTV has the most worse than senseless things Shows on the face of the planet. Except for their current show Man And Wife. That is a good show because its not scripted and Scoop, the Man in man and wife, is a crazy funny guy.

Here's what I think the MTV executives thought at the meetings for new show ideas:
TRL: let's only 30 seconds of an artists music video clip, choose people we want to show and rate the popularity of their music video, fill up an hour half wasted by commercials, and have a guest famous person talk about a speech they say on every show they are interviewed.
The Hills- let's watch "real life" unfold and all its "unscripted" drama
My Super Sweet 16- Hey everybody, let's watch a show about rich brats complain that they need cars and the best party ever or they are going to shout their heads off and be pissed if they don't. Who cares about world poverty and hunger when we can watch these brats get everything they want?
True Life- Let's show problems and exploit it to make everyone feel about themselves.
NEXT- lets watch wannabe actors be a shallow as possible for 10 bucks or less, and lets throw some bad sexual jokes and cliche rhyming and random facts about the daters that MTV made up about them.
Busted- hey Cops was a good show, let's do a rip off of that.
Paris Hilton's: My New BFF: Hey since nobody likes Paris and wants to be her friends, why don't we cast a reality show where we find stalkers to compete to be her friend. They won't mind after the show when Paris won't return their calls.
50 Cent: The Money and the Power: Let's show black people we aren't racist for giving mostly white people their own reality show. Black people love that half dollar guy rapper, right? Let's give him his own show.
VMAs- Death to america.

and last but not least, the show that makes me the most angry at "Music" Television. A Double Shot at Love: with the ikki twins. Now if you are not familiar with the show Shot at love, consider yourself lucky. The show takes some internet whore that no one has heard about and tries to find them love. Shot at love has a twist because they have bisexual people as the people looking for love so they can cast men and women who are desperate to be on television. The ikki twins are apparently one is gay and one is straight. Or maybe both are bisexual. Or maybe both are hermaphrodites. I don't know because they aren't important and their names describe them: icky. I couldn't watch the first season at all with Tila Tequilla because I had to dumb myself down for it and I've seen stuff like it before.

But what really frusturated me was how unoriginal MTV was. They saw from VH1 that Flavor of Love and Rock of Love were huge successes, That they had to cash in on the "celebrity" dating show looking for some action with 20 different people who want to get in their pants. I have really had enough of these shows because there are too many of them. They never end. And.......they have people who got dumped from the dating show they were on, they get there own show looking for love. WTF!!!! They aren't famous at all. They are all just whores.

MTV is whore central and the more people watch the crap they put on it, the more our society is going to go in the downward spiral into chaos.

Monday, December 1, 2008

The Sponge Isn't Gay

So I'm watching one of my favorite tv shows today, Spongebob Squarepants. I refer to him as Spongeboob sometimes. Now when I watch things that deal with children's entertainment, I get very critical. Like when I was watching Wall-E this summer, I would have enjoyed it more if I hadn't been to critical of it. The whole movie I couldn't get over the fact how most of the things in the movie were possible. Like how were the rotund obese humans of the future able to stand up if the gravity of space made the human's bones smaller over time. Or if they tried to move at all out of their chairs, wouldn't they have heart attacks cause they were fat as H-E-double hockey sticks. By the way, I went to see Wall-E with my grandma who is a real estate agent, she didn't like the movie because she thought it was too liberal.

So here are some things I learned and discovered about Spongeboob Squirepants while watching it critically all these years since it came out. Spongebob and Patrick are not gay or gay buddies. They are only best friends. It's impossible for them to be gay because in order to be gay, they would need sex organs. A sponge and a sea star are asexual meaning the reproduce on their own. Which raises questions to Spongebob's parents. Also, how the eff does a crab have a whale for a daughter. Did Mr. Krabs do the dew with a female whale to have Pearl????? Or did he just adopt a enourmous girl whale. Squidward has potential of being gay because he plays the clarinet and likes interpretive dance or just a narcissist because all he paints or sculps is himself. Sandy is on steroids that she made in her treadome lab.

I have also found out that Patrick and Spongebob are legally mentally retarded. Spongebob enjoys working for little pay as a fry cook at a fast food place. In my strange mind, only a "special" person would enjoy a job like that. It's a good thing they are so positive. Patrick and Spongebob act dumb. How Spongebob affords a pineapple house escapes me. That goes for squidward too. Though patrick must be a hobo living on Squidward's property. Though how is he so fat when he doesn't have a job and eats at the Krusty Krab all the time.

These are some of the things I think about when I watch one of my favorite shows of all time. Spongebob is for all ages and I will never stop watching it. The show hides jokes in it that older people can get while the little kids like it because its colorful and there is a sponge talking to them. My dad enjoys watching it and I love it. My favorite episode is Survival of the Idiots. It's where Patrick and Spongeboob are stuck in Sandy's house for the winter. I also love the Spongebob movie too.

Spongeboob rocks!